4th of June, Year 40
I invited Kassogtha to have lunch with me today at the Legerdemain. I decided to bite the bullet and tell her the news, so I made myself prepared for any reaction she may have. As expected, she had a smug look when I told her that Luthor said he loved me. She’s suspected this since I told her about the letter.
But then she spit her wine clean out of her mouth in shock when I said he’d asked me to move in. And that I said yes.
That, she wasn’t expecting.
Thankfully, she quickly sobered. She is happy I’m happy, I can tell, though I know she worries. (As do I, really. That’s what friends are for, right? To be there for each other, to worry about each other.)
We talked for a while about what this moving-in thing meant. She spoke some on what manning a household might be like. I am grateful that I don’t have to worry about such things right now, if ever at all. Kass even joked about my love life, a little. But then we got onto how well things are going, and some things she said really struck me. I hear them, still, echoing in my head in her high voice. I had forgotten, if only for a moment, how perceptive she is.
“If nothing else, you bring out a vulnerability in him that softens him in a way that takes away his age. I’d say from the way he is smitten and holds you dear that you are taking a man who has been callous for some time now, from many things gone wrong, and breaking down his walls. Just think what a miracle it is to take down so much armor so quickly. Years and years to put up, and less than two bitty months to break down.”
That is what she told me, word-for-word. Is she right, journal? Am I softening him? Breaking down those walls? Is that a good thing? Is it helping him, somehow? Is that what he wants? What he needs? So many questions.
And then I wonder to myself if he is breaking down my walls.
I think… No. I don’t think. I know he is. The very fact that I felt comfortable crying in his arms is testament to that.
We are in love and we are made vulnerable by that love.
I’ve never felt anything more beautiful than that.